This started as a kind of "Cry for Help" at a time when I wasn't completely sure that I wasn't going to commit suicide. I didn't have a gun, but nobody knew that for certain. Not that I would have preferred a hole in the head to simply walking into traffic or slipping off an edge. I only mention that now becouse it is true that no one knew I didn't have a gun. Does that not seem odd to you? If you are one of those who didn't know for sure that I didn't have a gun then, but did know the situation I was in, then why didn't you do or say anything? Shouldn't you have known? Would it have done any good to know such a thing, considering that you certainly knew I wasn't unable to find an edge? Besides, what could you have done about it anyway? It's not as though I was literally asking for help. Did you know I wasn't able to do that though? The mentality of the truly Suicidal is also one that disassociates from the aspect of self that enjoys the luxury of reflexive thought (i.e. to know you have a problem in the first place.)
If on the other hand you didn't know I didn't have a gun because you didn't know me then disregard the above entirely.
Unless you didn't know me because you didn't know I didn't have a gun. In which case I hope you now know... I AM HAPPY!
I am responsible for maintaining a "healthy" divergent personality disorder through obsessively indulging in cathartic activities.