Some states of mind are less deranged than others. To understand which is greater in terms of detriment to ones own "self" one must examine said states though the lens of ... well. Actually. I have no idea!
I do know that some years after this images was originally made (Currently, Aug. 11th, 2019) I'm unably to figure out what I must have been thinking, feeling, experiencing...
What I know is that I was fixated on both the subject and the process used to generate such an image. I knew then (well, hoped, at least) this day would come.
Where in I would be ably to post such things without recrimination. This due to the unsubstanteaded worry of being "found out". Forever doging an unworrented anxiaty. No one was looking then, nor are they now. Even if "they" had... they would not possibly have known of the the self imposed sense of impending doom felt in conjunction with the creation of images such as this.
I am responsible for maintaining a "healthy" divergent personality disorder through obsessively indulging in cathartic activities.